Sample IELTS Writing #3

In today’s post, we are sharing a Model IELTS essay in response to a Task 2 question. There are a few CRITICAL points to be observed for this Task. You will see how paying attention to these details will ensure a good score on the IELTS Writing module.

First, let’s look at the question:

In many cities, more crimes are being committed by young people.

What are the reasons for this? What can be done about it?

The Task introduces a very SPECIFIC topic. It’s not simply about crime in general. It’s about the INCREASING RATE of crime in CITIES committed by YOUNG PEOPLE. These aspects of the question should be addressed. If an IELTS candidate wrote about crime in rural areas or crime perpetrated by seniors, they would lose marks. Ensuring that all aspects of the question are properly addressed will help achieve a high score in terms of “Task response”, an assessment criterion on the IELTS Writing module.

Here’s the Model Essay:

In a large number of metropolitan areas criminal activity conducted by adolescents is on the rise. In my opinion, by exploring the causes of this problem, viable solution can be found to address it.

The surge in tuition fees imposed by schools in large cities may partly account for this issue. Unfortunately, these days many families cannot afford to enrol their children in schools since they fail to bear the expenses. As a result, idle students, who often live in deprived areas, engage in acts of crime that initially seem exciting. One way to remedy the situation is for the government to allocate sufficient funding to the education sector. Through this key strategy, school fees would be lowered and students would be kept off streets. Thus, fewer criminal offences would be committed.

Urban migration is another contributing factor to juvenile delinquency. Due to dwindling employment opportunities in rural areas, many families are moving to sprawling cities. Children of these households; however, often find it difficult to assimilate into urban living. In school, for example, they might be ridiculed and treated with hostility by their peers. The frustration experienced by the youth might drive them to crime. If educators encouraged teenagers to embrace people from all backgrounds, including those from the country, there would be little motive to carry out crime.  Educational programs at grass-root levels that focus on diversity can prove extremely beneficial in this regard.

To conclude, while higher costs of education in major cities and a rise in urban migration seem to contribute to youth crime, the government and educators can help considerably alleviate the problem. Investing in education and promoting diversity would be steps in the right direction.